thankfulness. ugh.

Sunday night, post-Thanksgiving. Trevor has headed back to college. It's pretty quiet here, so I'm catching up on a few DVR'd shows, hating myself for having had no self-restraint with pumpkin pie the past four days, and thinking about thankfulness, and how sometimes it comes with a cost. There's always plenty to process after visiting family over holidays.

I am in my mid-40s and still have a set of grandparents alive. My mom's parents, Ernie and Agnes <smile>, are in their upper 80s, still living on their own, and in another month, will have been married for 67 years. Think about how long 67 years is. I love Grandma and Grandpa more than life itself. I grew up living near them, actually with them during my earliest years, along with my then single-parent mom.

Grandma is sassy and feisty with a touch of ornery. She likes music that reminds her of her dancing years. She now has some trouble connecting thoughts and recalling names, but she can still remember details from the years when she was a teenager in love, waiting for her man to return from the War. She makes the best sugar cookies on the planet.

Grandpa is the sweetest person I've ever known, and the first man I ever loved. I didn't get a dad until I was six, so Grandpa's strong hands were the ones that held me while I was learning trust. His blue eyes still sparkle, and he's quick to smile and laugh. I remember a few years ago when I greeted him on a visit with "how are you??" and his reply was, "better since you got here." That's Grandpa.

I am so thankful to still have my grandparents. The flip side of that is how painful it is to watch them get old. Grandma now deals with dementia and mobility issues. Grandpa is in pretty good physical health... except for the bladder cancer which he and his doctors continue to do their best to hold off.

A couple days ago we helped put Christmas decorations out in their front yard. They LOVE having a holiday display, and their huge collection includes lighted reindeer, snowmen, angels, a big plastic nativity scene. It's difficult for Grandpa to get these decorations set up, you know, because he's pushing 90 and all, so it was a no-brainer when the suggestion got floated for us to join in this project.

You never know what's around the corner, and this could very well be the last Christmas the two of them get to spend living independently in their country home. This possibility wasn't lost on me as we strung extension cords, checked lights, and made sure the inflatable Santa Claus was secured properly. I think it's the happiest and saddest I've ever been putting out decorations.

Last night before we hit the road to return home, we stopped at their house to say goodbye, and our car met theirs as they were pulling out of the driveway. We got out of our car. "Where are you headed?" I asked. Grandpa was just taking Grandma to drive the road in front of their house and see how their decorations looked from the street.

I am so thankful. In a punch-to-the-gut sorta way.

My mom and Nate, with Grandpa behind