2013: What filled my airwaves

Being the time of year for lists, I give you my personal 2013 top songs list. Because it's my list and therefore I can do what I want, they're not even all 2013 releases, but they are the songs I listened to the most this year. I call this my "Tom Kha" list, because (like Thai coconut soup), I simply couldn't get enough of these songs. Also like tom kha soup, once I get a little taste, I want to immerse my head in them. 

This is the music that filled my space, my airwaves in 2013. Play these songs in a loop on my car stereo, and I will drive around the block forever.

12. "Cruise" - Florida Georgia Line

Forget "Blurred Lines." "Cruise" was the song of the summer. It happens to be the only song in this list I don't own. But it made me so happy every time it came on the radio. Which, gloriously, was a LOT. 

11. "Farewell, December" - Matt Nathanson

There's not much Matt can do that I don't like. (Although, playing the horrible music venue that is the Grandstand at the Iowa State Fair might be one of them.) Matt is one of my favorite live performers. It's getting harder to catch him in a small or mid-size venue, but if you have the chance, take it. 

10. "The Donnybrook Affair" - Carbon Leaf

No secret, Carbon Leaf is a perennial favorite on my airwaves. Their song lyrics are brilliant, and their music spans different sounds and genres. A lot of their early music was Celtic-influenced, so it was fun to see them return to those roots and release an entire Celtic album earlier this year. This song makes me want to live in an Irish pub.

9. "Better Days" - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Nothing like an outdoor concert on a perfect Des Moines summer evening with a crowd of happy hippies to cement a song to the brain. This song also ended up in heavy rotation on our road trip to California in June. 

8. "Walking Shoes" - Red Wanting Blue

Okay, this is a song from 2012, but it didn't come on my radar until we experienced Red Wanting Blue on the Rock Boat this past February. Lead singer Scott Terry is larger than life on stage, and his deep voice gets into the wrinkles of my brain. In a good way. Super happy when their tour brought them back through Des Moines this fall.

7. "Slumber" - NEEDTOBREATHE

Going further back, this song came out in the fall of 2011. I still can't get enough of it. We first saw NTB probably 5 or 6 years ago, and they just keep getting better. They were another Rock Boat band who also toured through Iowa later in the year, re-upping this song on my most-played list. One complaint. I've see them play five shows since this album came out, and I have yet to hear "Slumber" live. I'll keep trying.

6. "San Francisco" - The Mowgli's

The Mowgli's make me want to spend a carefree day at the beach. That is all.

5. "We Come Running" - Youngblood Hawke

In the same vein as "San Francisco"... so many songs I liked this year are happy ones with many layered vocals. Group love! I also love the video for this song. Yes, I still watch music videos. Every Saturday morning, VH1 Top 20 Countdown with Jim Shearer. Don't judge. Just come on over and join me. Bring Krispy Kremes.

4. "Counting Stars" - OneRepublic

This one has been getting so much radio play that it risks burnout, but not yet for me. Still going strong. Ryan Tedder is a genius songwriter and a fun performer. Dennis and I road-tripped four hours to Minneapolis to see them on a school night, and drove back the same night. No regrets.

3. "Preacher" - OneRepublic

"Counting Stars" might be the biggest hit from 1Rep's Native, but "Preacher" edges it out as my favorite song from the album. This one I DID get to hear live. It's sweeping.

2. "Anna Sun" - Walk the Moon

I love this music video. I guess it's actually been a while since this song has been out, but it's still up there on my playlist. Fun, fun, fun! The 80s room in the video is my favorite part. I want to paint my face and party with this band. Again, join me for Saturday morning videos sometime. My family is growing tired of it.

1. "Red Hands" - Walk Off the Earth

(Don't be confused. Not the same band as my #2 pick.) Walk Off the Earth is super talented in all the great song covers they do on YouTube, but "Red Hands" shows they can hold their own with original music too. 

Countdown Contenders (as Jim Shearer would call them):

"Lucky Strike" - Maroon 5. Yes, the Overexposed album is from 2012, but it's still not overexposed in my world.

"Lego House" - Ed Sheeran. He is so likeable, and the Lego version of this music video is mesmerizing.

"Radioactive" - Imagine Dragons. My favorite song off their Night Visions album. It didn't make my top dozen list because, while at first I couldn't get enough of it, eventually, I got enough.

Reminders

I talked on the phone with my mom last night. She said she had a story to tell me, and proceeded to explain that she still has my dad's cell phone. She disconnected it from their cellular plan sometime after he passed away the beginning of 2012, but she keeps it plugged in and charged, because it would still work for calling 911. So, she keeps it as an emergency backup, since she lives alone in a rural area. (Riveting, I thought. Go on.)

This past week, she was at home going about her day when she heard a weird sound she didn't recognize. She was puzzled, and followed the noise until tracking it down at its source, my dad's phone. It was a reminder he had set to go off every year, prompting him to call me for my birthday on Nov. 18. Mom said she didn't hear it last year, so she must not have been home when it went off. This year she heard it. And wanted me to know.

Even though time heals the heart, loss still has its sharp reminders.

Make it count.

As I get older, long-term health is on my mind, and I try to make the right choices to get a best-odds chance of living well for decades to come. I've been a vegetarian for almost six years, and I do love fruits and vegetables. You'd think being a vegetarian would translate to being pretty healthy, but I also happen to love sweets. and soft, white bread. and craft beer. which is hardly ever "light."

So, inevitably, my clothes get tighter until I reach the point of saying "enough." I reached one such point recently, and decided to renew some clean, healthy eating with a juice fast. I've done a juice fast before, and felt really terrific during and after, so it was an easy decision to go this route again. The plan: to drink only fruit & vegetable juices for two weeks -- renew, reboot, detox, cleanse, call it what you want -- and then get back to a healthier diet without all the processed junk. 

A week ago, I loaded up my Trader Joe's cart with fresh, organic produce, got my juicer out of the basement, and started drinking my meals. (Word to the wise: the green juices are easier to drink out of plastic cups rather than glasses, so you don't notice the color as much.) 

The last time I did a juice fast, the first couple days were the hardest. This time it really wasn't all that difficult until day 5, when hunger and grumpiness started getting the best of me. I went to bed early, simply to get the day over with. Day 6, yesterday, wasn't much better. I made dinner for the family, including tater tots. There were tots left over, and I so badly wanted to pop one in my mouth. I stood and looked at them. Smelled them. And then, in a moment of steely resolve, grabbed the cooled tots and threw them in the sink, where I doused them with water. Am I so disciplined, or what??

This morning, Day 7, I got up, had my morning grapefruit-kale-plum-carrot juice, chased unapologetically by a Reese's peanut butter cup left over from Halloween. I've spent the rest of the day back on track, in a surprisingly good mood, with my cheating heart appeased. 

Super glad I cheated with a Reese's instead of a tater tot.

feng sh-what?

A few days ago, we had our carpets cleaned. The boys and I moved all the furniture out of the living room in preparation. The carpet is only a couple years old, but once the couch and chairs were moved out, you could already see signs of the room's high-traffic spots, which made me think it might be time for a new arrangement. You know, change the room flow. This room has been exactly the same since we moved in seven years ago. The problem is the location of the TV cables. They force the TV to stay in a certain spot, which makes it really difficult to find a different place for the couch. And, if those two things have to stay put, well, there's only so much you can do with the left-over assorted chairs and end tables. (Reroute the cables? No thanks.)

We were going to have to get creative. So we did.

I don't like the new setup. It might be the best "plan B" option, but it's still awkward, and the room feels smaller.

It's still good to have something different. Change things up. The dog's toys are still in the same place, so the little K9's world didn't get all up and crazy.

But the whole thing, it's still not great.

I figure, we'll leave it this way for a while, until we get used to it, then switch everything back to the way it was before. Boom. For the win.

on scars

This morning I was looking at a cut Trevor got on his leg at a cross country meet earlier this week.

Me: "That might leave a scar."

Him: "I hope it does."

Me: "Scars are awesome."

Him: "Scars are great."

He was out the door and I was left thinking more about scars. Memorials left on our skin to what we've come through, to the injuries that haven't gotten the best of us. Often, badges of pride. 

Trevor has one on his elbow (his "wenis," he'll tell you) from YCamp a couple years ago when he went to the hospital for stitches after some mattress-diving-fun-gone-wrong. He says it was the best day of his life.

I have one on my forehead from falling on a screwdriver when I was a toddler. I was hanging around my Grandpa outside, playing (and, apparently, picking up his tools and running with them!) while he worked on a project. When I touch the scar, I think of the nearness I had to my sweet Grandpa when I was growing up.

I'm guessing you have scars, too. Maybe from incidents that make you smile in the remembering, or maybe from scary times you're just grateful to have survived.

Someone once told me that every time we get a cut or scrape, and our body goes to work repairing and healing it, it's a little miracle happening before our eyes. I had never thought about it that way before, and it stuck with me. It's so true. For the smaller nicks, there often isn't even a mark left behind. But the deeper wounds get scars, probably because we're meant to remember what we've been through.

Free Friday Advice: "Dance like nobody's watching..."

or videotaping.

Dance! 

That is my Free Friday Advice. 

Bleeding-heart Wednesday

This morning I met with my friend Melissa, who runs a Christian service ministry located in our church's basement. (More info about Waukee Area Christian Services here.) She updated me on the latest with the food pantry, community garden, and free clinic, and we talked about the people she serves, many of whom simply can't make ends meet, even if they're working more than one job. Melissa shared the story of a woman whose paychecks will cover rent but not groceries, so she'll make a bowl of oatmeal for dinner and save half of it for the next morning's breakfast. 

"These are real people, just like you and me," she said. I don't doubt that.

After meeting with Mel, I stopped to pick up a prescription at a pharmacy, where a woman walked up to the counter next to me and asked the pharmacist if she could recommend an over-the-counter medicine for her sick two-year-old, who was down with a fever, cough, runny nose, the works. 

The pharmacist said she can't make recommendations for children that young, and suggested the young mom take her son to the doctor. 

"We don't have insurance, so I can't take him to the doctor." 

The pharmacist just stood there not knowing what to say, and another pharmacist weakly suggested maybe Tylenol for the fever. The young mom said thanks ("for nothing," I might have added) and walked away. She was gone before I could put together my own thoughts of what might help. The free clinic I had just come from was an option, but it wouldn't be open again until next Monday evening, which hardly helps her son on this Wednesday afternoon. 

The problems with our health care system are admittedly complex, I know. And I don't know anything about this woman or her situation. I don't know whether she knows about free clinics. I so badly wish I had thought quickly enough to say something about ours, even if the timing wasn't right today. Sooner or later, that little boy will be sick again. Perhaps on a Monday.

I guess all I'm really saying is that it breaks my heart to hear of someone making a bowl of oatmeal last for two meals, or to hear a young mom say she can't afford to take her sick toddler to the doctor.

These stories are right here in the western suburbs. Where it could just as easily be me or you.

Beyond Lois Lane's underwear color

Last week Dennis said something that struck me. I keep thinking about it, trying to unpack it a little more.

We were having dinner at The Rooftop, a favorite summer hang. A gorgeous sunset was in the works; we had cold drinks in front of us and string lights above us. I had my feet up on an empty chair at our table. It was that kind of night. 

I don't even remember what we were talking about. I know it wasn't superheroes, I don't think it was even philosophical, which is why it surprised me when Dennis said, "If I could pick a superpower, I'd want to know everyone's story just by looking at them."

Wait. That could be a superpower?

When people talk about their dream superpowers, I always assume they mean the established ones. Invisibility (my previous favorite). Flying. X-Ray vision. Stretching (or whatever that rubbery superhero does). I never considered inventing a whole new one. 

Maybe this is just a different version of x-ray vision. Moving beyond seeing what color underwear Lois Lane is wearing to knowing her unique story.

Where she's from. What her hobbies are. If she knows some of the same people you know. What scares her. What inspires her. To know all of that at a glance.

We did a fair amount of rolling this idea over. Our discussion ranged from the deep (How would you treat people differently if you knew their past hurts and heartaches?) to the shallow (It would be so easy to pick up people!). What?! My indignation quickly gave way to oh my gosh, you're so right.

Like all great superpowers, the holder would be charged with the task of using it for good and not evil.

I'm not a great conversationalist. I don't always know the right questions to ask or the sweet-spot topics to bring up. I'm thinking this superpower might help a whole lot. 

It makes me wonder what I would find out about even about the people I consider close friends. I'm not talking about skeletons in closets. (Can I put a filter on my superpower? Because there might be things I don't want to know.)

Or, I don't know, maybe I'd find something in common between your skeletons and my own.

But the essence of this ability would really be to see a person in their wholeness, and not just the cross-section that happens to be in front of me at the moment. 

I'd like to be able to do that. The next time we talk, tell me something about yourself that I don't know. Or, I'll try to remember to ask. 

I don't need to know what color underwear you're wearing, but if you really want me to know, I'm cool with that, too.

Free Friday Advice: On Burning Rubber

Like a lot of families, from time to time we deal with complicated logistics. The boys are in different fall sports, and they get out of school at different times. While they both now have cars to drive, only one of the cars is allowed to park at the high school. So, occasionally, we have to draw some flowcharts to figure out how everyone will get where they need to be.

Wednesday was a flowchart day. The night before, we talked through times and places and keys and cars, and had it all worked out. I was supposed to be in Waukee all afternoon, and I had one job to do for my part in the boys' after-school shuffle. I needed to take Nate's golf clubs out of my trunk before heading to Waukee, so he could stop by home and get them on his way to practice.

About 3:00, I was happily working on a project at our church when my phone rang. Nate: "Mom, what are the chances my clubs are still in your car?"

The one thing I needed to remember. %^$@!

"I'm on my way! Meet you at the golf course." Out the door in a flash.

The team's tee times were to begin at 3:15. In fifteen minutes. The golf course is on the south side of town, and I was in a whole different town, out west. [side note: He's one of the "new kids" on the jv/varsity team this year, still earning his stripes and trying to fit in.] I burned it and got there the same time Nate did. He laugh-smiled and said, "Wow. You got here really fast."

My advice for today is, if you really have to be somewhere in a hurry, do it in a way that can impress an teenage boy.

[Should either of my kids or their friends happen to read this, my real advice is to go the speed limit and drive carefully at all times.]

"squirrel!"

We have an ornery squirrel who lives in the tree outside our back door. Sometimes he (she? nah.) will come down the tree when Marley's outside, and whip his tail and make that angry-squirrel kukking sound while standing just above the poor little pooch.

Other times he'll knock my plants off the deck.

He's not nice.

Today he was especially intrigued by a tub-shaped cooler that sits on our deck in the summer. The cooler was empty, but its lid was somewhat askew, and about a half inch of rainwater had collected in the bottom. It took me a while to figure out that squirrel was trying to get to the water, but his knocking the lid completely off was my first clue.

He then circled around the edge of the cooler a few times, studying the options for lowering himself down to the water. Eventually he figured out how to hold on to the edge with just his back feet and suspend himself down for a drink, which was both clever and impressive. He pulled himself back up, took a short rest, and did it again. This time his grip didn't hold, and he fell into the water. A blur of flailing legs and wet squirrel tail came flying back out.

I was watching through the window and laughed loud enough for him to hear me.

Free Friday Advice

Remember the whole thing about the 5 'love languages," back in the 90s? My top love language is gifts. I really appreciate an unexpected bauble or gadget gifted my way... doesn't have to be fancy or expensive. I just think it's fun and altogether nice when someone thinks enough to buy, make or steal something for me. 

Yesterday, someone I love very much came home and held something behind his back as he tried to slink past me. 

"What do you have there??"

"You'll see." 

ooooh. Intrigued. 

What I would find out minutes later is that Dennis got me a package of "crystallized lime." It's all natural, comes in little packets, you can add it to drinks or recipes or what have you. Kinda cute. He knows I like lime, and we hadn't seen this product before, so he simply thought it might be the kind of thing I would appreciate.

What a sweet darling!

But here's where he went wrong. He snuck downstairs and found a gift bag for this tart little flavor additive. And fluffed in some colorful tissue paper. 

Do you see the problem here? You'd think when he saw my expression turn from curiosity to Christmas morning, he might have tried to temper it with a quick disclaimer of "it's just a little something."

No. 

He let me fling the tissue paper aside and dig into that bag to find my green limey prize.

I think he might have enjoyed watching my 10-second roller coaster ride. Jerk.

 

We laughed. It's all good.

So, here's my free Friday advice. Manage those expectations. They'll get you every time.

And, groceries don't belong in gift bags. They belong in grocery bags. 

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend. And if you need more lime in your margaritas, I have just the thing.

2013 VMAs - because what we really need is more commentary about it.

Another round of the MTV VMAs last night, the awards show unlike any other awards show. At the VMAs, you never know what's going to happen, and whatever does happen, people will be talking about it the next day. You kinda don't want to watch, and you kinda can't help yourself.

And so I watch.

I watch these young artists clutch their "moon man" trophies, and I wonder if the moon man as a symbol can mean much to them, can stir the nostalgia it does for those of us who were coming of age in the 80s. (They do know it's from MTV's original launch sequence, right??)

Sadly, my family didn't have cable in the early years of MTV. Thankfully, I had friends who did. Summertime was the best, when there were endless hours available to sit in front of MTV... watching actual music videos! (I won't belabor this point. I think we get it.) But, yeah, that moon man was on the screen a lot, staking his claim between videos of Michael Jackson, The Cars, Pat Benatar, Van Halen, Prince, Madonna. I'm tempted to say something about how we didn't know how good we had it, but I think, on some level, we knew.

Not that our parents were always happy about what we were watching. Musical artists, as they always have, were breaking into new territory and pushing the limits, and as such, my generation developed a pretty high tolerance for the provocative and edgy.

Which brings me back to the VMAs, and a couple opinions about last night's show. Lady Gaga. Yeah, she's odd. And you don't always understand exactly what you're watching when she performs. But that's like a lot of art. You get the sense that, even if you don't "get it," she does.

And then there's Miley Cyrus. Oh Miley. We know you're trying to be all grown up and push boundaries like other great female artists have done. But you come across like the drunkest girl at a frat party. Those of us who grew up in the Madonna era aren't easily shocked, remember? We're not prudes, and we don't mind edgy. But the twerking and the foam finger didn't seem edgy. It just seemed sad. In order to pull off provocative, you have to convince the audience it's coming from a place where you know who you are. We're not convinced you know anything other than that you're not Hannah Montana. You don't need to put that on a neon billboard anymore. But, it's gotta be hard growing up in the spotlight and trying to figure out who you are. I'm sympathetic (probably not the reaction you were going for), but my relief when your performance ended was only matched by my relief that you didn't walk away with a moon man last night.

Oh, and the 'NSYNC reunion was a golden moment, but I can't believe they were just a blip in the JT show. More!!

Huge thanks to Taylor Swift for sparing us the "I can't believe I won" facade this time. I don't say nice things to you enough, TSwift. You looked lovely last night. And so TALL next to Bruno! This made me smile.

One more thing. This photo of Will Smith's family during Miley's performance will become legendary. It's just too good.

[edit: Sadly, we found out later that this Smith family photo was not taken during Miley's performance. oh well, it was fun while we believed it.]

Wasp vs. Spider

Yesterday I was on the back deck when I noticed a wasp flying around. He landed on a spider web, and I became intrigued. Can a wasp get stuck on a spider web?? It was a Wild Kingdom moment in the making, and I was watching it live. Entranced.

Without losing any time, a spider appeared from some remote quadrant of the web, and giddyup, he was excited. He was smaller than the wasp but came bounding across the web. Dinner bells were ringing in his little webby world, and as he broke into a virtual gallup, I think I heard him yelling, "yeeeehaaaaaa!" Holy crap, I can't believe I'm watching this little spider take down a wasp. This should be good.

A moment later, the spider got close to his presumed next meal and -- fffft ffffft -- the wasp released his best ninja moves on the little arachnid! It happened so fast I'm not even sure exactly what transpired, but that wasp flew off with the spider! I don't think the spider knew what hit him. Ambushed in his own trap.

What? Wasps eat spiders?? This minute of my life has been full of surprises.

I don't have much affinity for spiders or wasps, so I'm not sure who I was rooting for. But I do have to wonder about the fairness of bringing ninja skills into a cowboy world.

Last First Day

Today, Trevor and Nate head back to school to start the 2013-14 year as a high school senior and sophomore. First day of school, once again! This is my 15th First Day of School (it's worthy of capitalization), including the preschool years. The morning goodbye has a predictable routine. It might be the same at your house. "Wait! We need pictures! Yes, you have to. Stand over there. Closer to each other. Smile! Not that smile. C'mon, just a nice smile, please? Thank you. Okay, now hurry before you're late!" And they're off.

And today is a big one. Not only is it the first time I've watched the two of them drive off to the same building together, but it's Trevor's last First Day of School, at least for this chunk of life before college and whatever else lies ahead. And it makes me lightheaded. Someone get me a bag to breathe into. (Yes, again.) I'm fairly laid back. I don't stress over much. But when I think too much about this, the tears well and the hearing in my right ear goes out momentarily. It really does. I know, I should get that checked. 

I'm trying to figure out how to get through the next year. I want to feel the significance of the big moments, and also the little ones, without letting it get all unnecessarily melodramatic in my head, or worse, in public.

Many parents have forged the path before me, and they seem to have gotten through it, so I have sought and will keep seeking their advice. "How am I going to do this??" I usually don't get a real answer, but without exception, I do get a full dose of empathy in their eyes meeting mine. And that means something. I get the feeling there are things they don't know how to put into words, and that I'll understand those things in due time. Fair enough.

So, as I try to find my own way down this path, I'll be working on some strategies. The first one, on this last First Day of School, is to not be ridiculous and make it worse by pulling out a photo from his first day of kindergarten.

Hey cutie. So much for that one. But I'm not even crying. Really. Not at this moment, at least. Maybe I can do this after all.

Since this last First Day is just the first of more lasts to come (you following?), do feel free to tell me when I inevitably get pathetic, and we can laugh about it. That'll help. 

You'll have to speak into my left ear.

in the valley of the shadow of death

I don't ever remember being surrounded by so much sadness.

We're just days away from the year anniversary of Dad's death. The past year, which should have been one of healing, has been filled with many more low points. We've watched friends and relatives undergo difficult cancer treatments. A cross country teammate of the boys committed suicide. A friend's sister was murdered. Several friends said goodbye to parents and grandparents. A 51-year-old friend from church died suddenly of a brain aneurism. A favorite friend from work lost her battle with cancer. And today, good friends lost their college-age son in a car crash. Devastating. As in, there-are-no-words devastating. The looks in their eyes, forever etched. Their lives have been irrevocably changed.

With each of these events, life is changed. Not the same as it was before.

It's hard to know what to make of it all.
Life can be so... grey... sometimes. Or for a whole year at a time.

Or maybe longer. I don't know.

People will say that these things seem to come in waves, that the "bad things" come a few at a time, and then comes a reprieve. It just seems that every time I think, "OKAY. Surely that is the end of the bad news for a while," something else is just around the corner.

Maybe I'm experiencing more of what life is really like. And--with much certainty--death is part of it. It doesn't change my faith or my way of looking at God. I've never thought that this life would be without pain and suffering. I've just never had so much of it so close. I don't feel like I doubt God's love or ability to bring comfort. Or, if I can be honest, maybe I just don't want to pile a faith crisis on top of an already-fragile state of mind.

I think I'm learning a new way of living. I can now cry one minute and laugh the next. I don't know what else to do. Life isn't all fun and games, but it is a little. Life isn't all mourning and sadness, but it is a little. Maybe it's about finding a way to swirl the levity and joy in with the darkness. Maybe that's the only way to keep sane. and realistic.

But I'll tell you this. I'm going to do a better job of telling people how I feel about them (especially the ones I like). Life can end in an instant. If I think it's pretty cool to have you in my life, I want you to know. So don't weird out if a rogue wave of "I love you, man" comes your way from me.

And believe me, I'm ready for happier blog posts, too! Some chapters are just sadder than others. I'm not the author, just the reporter.