Today, Trevor and Nate head back to school to start the 2013-14 year as a high school senior and sophomore. First day of school, once again! This is my 15th First Day of School (it's worthy of capitalization), including the preschool years. The morning goodbye has a predictable routine. It might be the same at your house. "Wait! We need pictures! Yes, you have to. Stand over there. Closer to each other. Smile! Not that smile. C'mon, just a nice smile, please? Thank you. Okay, now hurry before you're late!" And they're off.
And today is a big one. Not only is it the first time I've watched the two of them drive off to the same building together, but it's Trevor's last First Day of School, at least for this chunk of life before college and whatever else lies ahead. And it makes me lightheaded. Someone get me a bag to breathe into. (Yes, again.) I'm fairly laid back. I don't stress over much. But when I think too much about this, the tears well and the hearing in my right ear goes out momentarily. It really does. I know, I should get that checked.
I'm trying to figure out how to get through the next year. I want to feel the significance of the big moments, and also the little ones, without letting it get all unnecessarily melodramatic in my head, or worse, in public.
Many parents have forged the path before me, and they seem to have gotten through it, so I have sought and will keep seeking their advice. "How am I going to do this??" I usually don't get a real answer, but without exception, I do get a full dose of empathy in their eyes meeting mine. And that means something. I get the feeling there are things they don't know how to put into words, and that I'll understand those things in due time. Fair enough.
So, as I try to find my own way down this path, I'll be working on some strategies. The first one, on this last First Day of School, is to not be ridiculous and make it worse by pulling out a photo from his first day of kindergarten.
Hey cutie. So much for that one. But I'm not even crying. Really. Not at this moment, at least. Maybe I can do this after all.
Since this last First Day is just the first of more lasts to come (you following?), do feel free to tell me when I inevitably get pathetic, and we can laugh about it. That'll help.
You'll have to speak into my left ear.
4 comments:
So...this is crazy to read considering I babysat Trevor just the other week (because there is NO way I have aged since then!) ;) Happy Last First Day Mom! I know there will be many great memories for you and your family this year.
Celebrate all these firsts, Angie. How great to be able to document all this wonderful time in your life. You can be maudlin for a day - then get ready for one of the fastest years in your life. You'll soon be writing about graduation day!
Katie: I still have the cutest picture of you snuggling Trevor when he was a baby. I love that picture. Chris: "maudlin." I'm going to use that against you in Words with Friends as soon as I get the chance. :)
How sweet! Had my first one start Kindergarten on Monday. I can only imagine it doesn't really get easier.
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